Immediately following his words on adultery and lust, Jesus turns his attention to the more specific issue of divorce. Before proceeding, I should note two things. First, this is a difficult issue; I would guess that everyone in America has been touched by divorce, whether a close friend or family member, your parents, or even you yourself. The reasons for any divorce are usually many and complicated, and I don’t want to make the issue seem simpler than it is: only to consider what Jesus says specifically in Matthew 5. Second, we should notice that Matthew 5 is not all the Bible has to say about divorce and marriage. This is not an exhaustive study, just a look at the Sermon on the Mount.
Matthew 5:31-32 provides a good starting point for a discussion on divorce. As before, Jesus opens by saying, You have heard X, but I tell you Y. Apparently the Pharisees had a very different take on divorce than Jesus. Their question seems to have been, “On what grounds may I obtain a divorce?” Jesus answers the question implicitly in Matthew 5 (and explicitly in Matthew 19). The basis of the question comes from a vague command in Deuteronomy 24, which Pharisees used to legitimize divorce as an acceptable practice in Jewish life. However, whereas the Pharisees created loopholes around the commands “Do not murder,” and “Do not commit adultery,” they actually misquoted Deuteronomy 24 altogether: “If you want to divorce your wife, you must give her a certificate of divorce.”
Far from being a command to provide your spouse with a certificate, Deuteronomy 24 instead describes a complex string of hypothetical situations. Suppose a couple is already married. The husband then finds “something indecent” (a very rare phrase) about her and ends the marriage, providing a “certificate of divorce.” Now, suppose she gets married and in due time, finds herself divorced again, or widowed. Now comes the only command in Deuteronomy 24:1-4: The first husband may not marry the woman a second time. The Pharisees completely missed the point.
Nevertheless, since Deuteronomy 24 does seem to permit divorce, we should understand the circumstances surrounding it. The whole text turns on a definition for “something indecent.” Perhaps that means “marital infidelity” or some other gross infraction. Pharisees reduced the meaning of “something indecent” to include the most superficial of things; If your wife gets too many wrinkles, loses her bedroom mojo, or even burns the toast, trade her in for a newer model. Yet, whatever “something indecent” is, it is very rare and very extreme. It cannot be reduced to some of the shallow reasons Pharisees gave for divorce. (For the record, the only other time the Hebrew phrase “something indecent” is found, it means “poop”). The Deuteronomy 24 command simply assumed that divorce was occurring under the most extreme of circumstances. By Jesus’ day it had become a license to divorce a wife for any and every reason, just as long as she got her certificate.
Quite to the contrary, what Jesus says about divorce is firm and unapologetic. Any divorce (except for “marital unfaithfulness”) necessarily forces the divorced spouse into adultery. This is the case because in God’s eyes, the initial marriage is still intact. If a divorced woman had enough dignity to refuse a life of prostitution, her only other option was to remarry. So, suppose a man divorces his wife and the wife subsequently remarries a second man. Most likely, that second marriage will be consummated by the new couple. And if the original marriage is still valid, the consummation of the new marriage is an act of adultery—a man having sex with another man’s wife!
However, just as there was a clause in Deuteronomy 24 which seemed to permit divorce, there is an exception clause in Matthew 5:32: If you divorce your wife EXCEPT for marital unfaithfulness (porneia) you cause her to sin. There are a number of interpretations of the word porneia, or “marital unfaithfulness.” Some suggest that it is only actual marital infidelity while others interpret it as any and all unlawful sexual activity. Whatever it is, it is also the same exception mentioned in Matthew 19:9 where Jesus basically says, “You are never allowed to divorce your spouse, unless your spouse commits some act of sexual misconduct."
But what if Jesus' "exception" is no exception at all, but as Craig Keener suggests, is a "rhetorical overstatement"1? He argues that Jesus' teaching style needs to be taken into consideration when reading Matthew 5:31-32. Jesus has already "rhetorically overstated" before, saying emphatically, "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off!"
Perhaps Jesus does lay out a true exception, but not for reasons we think. Porneia—some sexual misdeed—is a valid grounds for divorce, but the penalty for sexual misdeeds is death! (see Deut. 22:22, Lev. 20:10). It is an exception because the violating spouse would be dead, and death really does break the bonds of marriage.
I believe Jesus is rhetorically overstating his point. If I may use a silly analogy, suppose my son wants me to buy him a new Play Station. I say, “I'll buy you one, just as soon as you grow to be 8-feet tall!” Of course, it is not impossible that my son grows to be 8-feet tall, but it is highly improbable. This is my rhetorical way of saying, “No, I am not buying you a new Play Station!” In this same way, Matthew 5:32 is Jesus’ way of saying, “No, you may not get a divorce.”
If we take Jesus’ statement in verse 32 as absolute, laying out a valid exception that is not rhetorically overstated, then let’s be consistent. So too Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:30 must be absolute, “If you right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.” As we have observed previously, it is unlikely that Jesus means for us to take that literally.
If the Pharisees’ implicit question in Matthew 5 and 19 is, “On what grounds may I obtain a divorce?” Jesus’ implicit answer is: You are asking the wrong question! The whole point of the Pharisees’ misrepresentation of Moses was in order to provide an “out” for marriage. They wanted to know, “If I’m in a marriage and I want to get out, how do I get out?” Jesus answers by questioning the question.
Deuteronomy 24 does not permit divorce. It simply assumes divorce is happening. For this reason, what Jesus’ listeners had heard about divorce was flat wrong. The main point of Matthew 5:31-32 is this: “just the fact that a man (or woman) has given the woman (or man) a ‘pink slip’ and ‘done everything legally’ does not mean that he or she has done right or has been a good person”2.
The question should never be, “How do I get out?” In fact, if anyone has ever had a legitimate right to “get out” of a marriage it was God, whose “wife” (Israel) continually cheated on him with other gods. Yet he never did “divorce.” He is a promise-making God who keeps his promises, even if we fail to keep up our end of the bargain.
Instead, a better question may be, “How can I make this marriage all that it should be?” If you are married, this should be your attitude. Marriage is a commitment that requires hard work, self-sacrifice, and yet can be simultaneously the greatest joy and intimacy that can exist between two individuals. I told my wife, “for better or for worse,” and I meant it, even if it kills me!
And yet, I also know, that is easy for me to say. I have a great relationship with a wonderful woman. Some, however, are not so fortunate. Many grind through a loveless marriage trying to repair a relationship that seems to get worse by the day. Some actually endure a marriage filled with physical and emotional abuse. Some have caused a divorce for shallow reasons while others are the victim of someone else’s hard heart.
Reasons for divorce are often times many and complicated, and I don’t pretend to have all the answers. However, I think I can say with confidence, if you caused a divorce for shallow reasons, God’s forgiveness is bigger than past mistakes. If you are the victim of someone else’s hard heart, there is hope and comfort from a God who is always faithful to his promises. If you are enduring physical or emotional abuse, for goodness sakes, get out! The promise-keeping God is also a protecting, providing God. If you are enduring a cold and loveless marriage, God’s grace is sufficient for you, and he is able to bring a better day. And if you have a wonderful, loving marriage, thank God for giving you a gift that is often hard to come by. Not everybody has that.
1 Keener, Craig The Gospel of Matthew: A Socio-Rhetorical Commentary (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2009), 190
2 Willard, Dallas The Divine Conspiracy (San Francisco: Harper Collins, 1992), 170
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